How to be cordial to your ex after breakup

March 17, 2020 Posted by Emily J

Keeping in touch with your ex after the breakup can be messy. There are unavoidable circumstances such as common friends or other legal reasons due to which not seeing each other is not an option. Whenever your ex comes in front of you, they trigger the pain in your broken heart. This is why it is not advisable to keep in touch with your ex after a breakup, at least till the time your heart isn’t healed.

The feelings don’t go away easily if you are deeply connected to this person, who is now a stranger. It is natural to have a grudge after the breakup, especially if cheating is involved. All your efforts and sacrifices went in vain. Your dreams remained unfulfilled. It can be stressful. You would always be in fight or flight mode whenever you come in contact with your ex. However, it is possible to maintain a cordial relationship with your ex through mutual respect.

Here are 7 tips for dealing with your ex after a breakup

  1. What Is Your Goal? Define it and stick to it

If your goal is to keep harmony in your group of mutual friends, it is best to act cordially in public. The same applies to situations where you need to interact due to legal or other unavoidable circumstances. Acknowledge and greet politely. Take the high road. Any outburst of drama in a public place would ultimately benefit your ex and cast you in a bad light. Your goal to maintain harmony will only work if your ex meets you halfway through this shared goal. Of course, you can’t be in the same room with someone with a bone to pick with you. If this is the case, then there is no option but to cut your ex off permanently.

  1. Do Mutual Friends Matter?

Though it is advisable to spend some time alone to heal, don’t completely cut off your mutual friends and acquaintances. It would do no good to ask them to choose between you and your ex-partner. Putting such conditions would harm your friendship with other people. Instead, let them make their own opinions. Understand your goal and act accordingly.

  1. Dangers of Badmouthing Your Ex

After the breakup, channel your energy into positive aspects of life. Enjoy your hobbies, motivate yourself, indulge in mindfulness, and most importantly, avoid any negativity. Badmouthing your ex would pull you back into a negative feedback loop, where you would feel inadequate, doubt your self-worth, and then seek external validation from people to avoid those negative feelings.

Badmouthing your ex won’t give you any benefit. People might echo back what you want to hear to console you momentarily, but if it happens over and over again, they will get tired of it. Don’t lose friends, but make some more by surrounding yourself with positive energy and being the awesome person you are.

  1. Stop Overthinking About Ex-Partner

Don’t overthink or care about what your ex is doing or going to do. Block them from all social media apps, and don’t stalk them online. Overthinking would only increase your stress level. Remember, the opposite of love is apathy. It would be best if you were apathetic to your ex’s life. A display of anger and hatred towards your ex would actually prolong the time needed to get over the relationship. Being indifferent to your ex is not easy if you two keep bumping into each other. But with time, you must learn to emotionally distance yourself from your ex.

  1. Danger Zone of Physical Touch

Avoid one on one meetings and physical touch with your ex at all times. A manipulative ex can easily take advantage of these weak moments to crawl back into your life or, even worse, rub salt over your wound with nasty comments or evil actions. Say no and prepare ahead for any eventuality where you would be alone with your ex.

  1. Not to Show off

People act tough to hide their weaknesses. But their attempts to show off or act tough are open for everyone to see. You don’t have to act tough around your ex, nor do you need to stage a fake act to show how better your life is after the breakup. Instead, take concrete actions actually to make your life better. When you are delighted, your ex won’t matter to you. Let your indifference speak for itself.

  1. Necessity of Self-Dependence

It is imperative to be self-dependent in all areas of our life. We often rely on others for emotional, social, mental, and financial support. The over-dependency on others for our basic needs exposes us to exploitation. Keep learning new skills and have a good support system of friends, family, or social groups to avoid over-dependence on one person. Being self-dependent is attractive, but it also helps us overcome toxic relationships with people who take advantage of our weaknesses.

It’s time to take the tainted rose-colored glasses off.

When we are in a relationship, we often form mental biases. As a result, we overlook the relationship’s bad aspects and glaring deficiencies. We tolerate so much inappropriate behavior that we wouldn’t have from a stranger in such a case. We feel taken for granted and are unable to reach our true potential in toxic relationships. Once the relationship is over, you can focus on self-development and fall in love with someone who truly deserves you.