INTP Heartbreak and Ti-Si Loop

December 31, 2020 Posted by Hunaid Germanwala
INTP breakup

INTP love is childlike (thank you, inferior Fe function!). Breakup and ending a relationship with someone you previously loved and cared about is difficult. An INTP going through a tough time or heartbreak can fall prey to the dangerous Ti-Si loop.

INTP Cognitive Functions:

Introverted Thinking (Ti) – Dominant or Leader Function

Extroverted Intuition (Ne) – Auxiliary or Supportive Function

Introverted Sensing (Si) – Tertiary or Recreational/Relief function

Extraverted Feeling (Fe) – Inferior or Aspirational function

Understanding INTP heartbreak and Ti-Si loop

It is common for INTP to go through the Ti-Si loop when they feel like giving up on everyone and everything. INTP in the Ti-Si loop becomes the epitome of nihilism. It’s difficult to recognize the Ti-Si loop since it has fewer outward signs, but nonetheless, staying in the Ti-Si loop for a long period is harmful to the INTP.

What is the Ti-Si loop for INTP?

Ti – evaluate, analyze, and categorize what went wrong in the relationship
Si – review and recall past experiences and seek detailed data fed to the Ti for further analysis.
Ti being the hero function, overworks and gets exhausted.
Si overtakes as a relief function, and INTP reminiscences the memories, which gives them comfort.
Ti again analyzes this data provided by Si to ensure they have not made a mistake or overlooked any piece of information, and the TiSi loop cycle continues.
Si being the eternal child function, gives INTP pleasure in recalling memories. Old habits and familiar faces make them happy. However, Ti, being the logic function, evaluates the pros and cons of the relationship. The overthinking of pros and cons by Ti again triggers past memories via Si, and the TiSi loop further continues.

Even if INTP broke up on their own accord and is not thinking about the relationship or anything related, they can still get stuck in the Ti-Si loop. They can get stuck in the repetitive schedule of ‘eat, think, drink, sleep’ and whatever is regular in between.

Si being a relief function, enjoys these repetitive past habits. On the other hand, Ti works well when INTP is alone in their own world during this period. Therefore, while in the TiSi loop,  INTP gets cut off from the external world, new opportunities, and social interactions, which can be harmful to their health, career and overall well-being.

What happens to INTP stuck in the Ti-Si loop?

  1. INTP is in super Introversion mode

Ti and Si are both introverted functions, so you can imagine the heavy dose of introversion that results from being in the Ti-Si loop. INTP becomes so inward-focused that they cut themselves off from the external world. They continuously analyze things that happened in the past in isolation and comfort of a known environment such as the home.
It’s even worse if INTP tries to analyze feelings and emotions using their logical function Ti, leading to analysis paralysis. Once Ti is tired, an INTP would want to retreat to Si, which makes TiSi loop introversion more profound.

  1. INTP resists anything new

Under the spell of the Ti-Si loop, INTP loses any desire to try something new. The logical Ti based on Si past data concludes that there is no point in trying again since it didn’t work out in the past.
Si, the child function, finds itself comforted in the current situation and resists starting all over again. The relief function Si defines the INTP’s comfort zone. It causes INTP to get addicted, ruminate about past memories, feel nostalgic and introspect. Si is INTP’s child function. For this reason, it is difficult for INTP or anyone else to pull them out of their comfort zone.

  1. INTP gets depressed

Being in  TiSi loop for an extended period can be a significant cause of depression for INTP. Si is an inward-looking function, and Ti focuses on inner thoughts. INTP loves their inner world more than the realities of the outer world. Gloom-ridden past memories of Si, in combination with negative thoughts, can result in depression. Constant overthinking and rumination of the past relationship get them addicted, which is unhealthy. Ne (extraverted intuition), which can bring a ray of hope by showing the endless possibilities to feel happiness, snoozes in the back seat.

  1. INTP gets obsessive

When INTP constantly analyzes past memories Si, to provide answers using Ti, they fail to grasp the big picture and become obsessive over the past. They often get nostalgic, remember the past, and even idealize it. They try to find answers for their misery from mistakes and actions of the past. INTP would overthink to death being in the Ti-Si loop.

  1. INTP gets paranoid about relationships

Getting trapped in the Ti-Si loop, INTP would get wary of emotions and avoid displaying any feelings of love and affection. They try to analyze the new relationship and fill the gaps based on past experiences. If someone new exhibits behavior that is even remotely connected to their bad past, INTP would get paranoid about the relationship and harshly judge the other person. Instead of using Ne (intuition), INTP takes action based on their child function Si (past memories). This makes INTP feel disconnected, critical, suspicious, and mistrustful towards people.

  1. INTP gets back to the abusive relationship

Ti-Si loop is also one reason INTP gets back into abusive relationships or, depending on the situation, want to try out one more time. INTP feels sad when faced with nostalgic memories of the good time in the relationship. They idealize the person and dismiss the facts with self-serving justifications. They are willing to overlook the reasons for the breakup.
Si, as the child function, craves the familiarity and comfort of the past. Alas, it doesn’t last long. Ti, the logical function, sooner or later, makes it clear that it is a bad idea. This internal conflict quickly accelerates into the Ti-Si loop, which again leads to episodes of overthinking (Ti) and rumination of past events (Si).

How can INTP escape Ti-Si Loop?

  1. Push your Ne into active mode

Let your Ne, as an exploration function, feed new experiences and ideas to your Ti. Do something exciting. Look for new passions, hobbies, and places to visit. Put yourself into unknown situations and explore the possibilities the outside world has to offer.
Avoid getting into old habits and places that give you anxiety. Instead, try new experiments and follow patterns that would open up further possibilities and opportunities for you to grow.

  1. Develop your Fe, extraverted feeling

Let the people you trust take you out to new places. No matter how uncomfortable you feel, let your loved ones and close friends talk to you. Don’t resist meeting new people and making friends. As you become a bit more social and less isolated, you will step closer to breaking the TiSi loop.

Do INTP get over people easily?

To be precise, when INTP bonds with another human being, they make that person a part of their life. After that person has left, a void is created. INTP can move on quickly (the pain of losing someone is still there) if they are able to fill that void.

The time INTP takes to get over someone depends on circumstances and the reason why they separated from the person. If the person cheated on INTP, they will take a long time to get over the relationship. INTP will constantly ruminate about the relationship, reasons for cheating, and their own judgment in trusting the person.

If it were more of a mutual breakup where the INTP was confident that the relationship had no future, it would be easier for them to let go. They will move on at lightning speed if they can fill the void created by someone else or with a hobby.

If the breakup was on good terms, INTP tends to keep in touch with their ex with no hard feelings involved. The logic behind keeping on good terms with an ex is simple. The relationship ended, but there are mutual interests, hobbies, or subjects that both liked to enjoy together. So, what if they are no longer in a relationship? They can still enjoy video games or play tennis together as two normal people.

INTP probably doesn’t see the end of the relationship as the end of the person. INTP sees the breakup as the end of a relationship that cannot work out. They would still be open to interacting with their ex on mutually enjoyable and agreeable aspects without bringing the relationship in between. It depends on the maturity of both people involved.

How to win back an INTP ex?

INTP gives a considerable amount of thought before making the final decision to break up. There is usually a chain of events that has made them believe that the relationship is doomed and it is best to end it now. Once concluded, INTP breakups are usually full and final.

INTP won’t change their decision easily. But there are two things you can do to get back an INTP-

  1. Listen and understand what they tell you during the breakup. An INTP will give you the exact and logical reason why they don’t want to be in the relationship. Most likely, the issue is something that can’t be helped. There is nothing that can be done to make things right.
  2. INTPs always feel more comfortable expressing themselves through action rather than words. In INTP life, actions matter more than words. The only way to win back an INTP is to apologize, make amends, and take visibly corrective actions.
    Emotional appeal or future promises won’t work. INTP wants their partner to accept the mistake and take concrete actions to solve the problem. INTP don’t like to hold a grudge and easily forgive if things are made right. Get to the solution of the problem as quickly as possible.

Can you manipulate an INTP?

It is possible to manipulate an INTP if they are really close to you and consider you a part of their inner circle. You must have consistently proved your worth to them. They have to build trust in you. INTP is the most skeptical personality type. If you have gained their trust, you can manipulate them emotionally or even guilt-trip the INTP.

But chances are you have spent so much time with INTP that you have seen their childlike enthusiasm for you and have grown to like them. It would be hard for you to betray them because they will shut the doors on you forever once they find out.

Another way an INTP can be manipulated is by forcing them to make quick decisions. INTP needs time to collect and process the information. They like to look at all the positive and negative aspects of the situation. If you manage to distract them and get them to make a quick choice or decision, they can get manipulated. INTP often regrets making quick decisions, especially emotional decisions, without thinking them through.

For INTP, intention matters. INTP questions and judge the intention of the people they meet daily. Even though an INTP knows that you are manipulating them, if they conclude that your intentions are good, they won’t mind your manipulation.

Don’t try to manipulate an INTP back into the relationship through emotional appeals or social pressure. Don’t ask your friends or family to persuade them to get back into the relationship with you. Bringing 3rd party into the relationship matter would actually make it worse. Don’t promise them something you can’t keep. They will spot the manipulation, and you will never see them again. Try to understand and resolve the underlying reason behind the breakup to get back an INTP.

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