There are times when we wonder what is the meaning of our life. Where is it going? How is it shaping up? Everyone needs a reason to live. The chosen reason to live makes us enthusiastically wake up every morning and look forward to new opportunities and challenges. The REASON to live is as important as life itself.
Think of a small pond filled with fish. When it rains, the freshwater comes in, and the excess water is discharged downstream. What would happen if the upstream water supply to this pond is cut off? No fresh water will come in, and downstream flow will stop. The pond soon will have stagnated water, which will begin to dry and suffocate the life within the pond.
Characteristically, our life behaves like a pond if we stop giving and receiving. The ability to receive and give out is what defines our life. It makes us bubble with joy and happiness. We subconsciously always try to maintain the flow of our life. The moment our life gets stagnates, we begin to suffocate.
How to Give-
It is easy to give. Everyone gives in the form of advice, gifts, charity, or shit. But that is not true giving. Give for the sake of giving without expecting anything in return. We are nice to our friends so they will continue to hang out with us. We work hard for our boss so we can get a paycheck, we dress up and accessorize so our spouse will like us. We can hamster ourselves that we give genuinely, but we always have selfish reasons to give. Remember what Joey said- Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
And it’s Okay. It is nonetheless important to understand that when we give with an expectation to receive something, we do it from a position of weakness and neediness. When we expect nothing in return, we give from a position of strength. Giving from a position of strength makes us feel more content and confident. It also helps us discern the people who deserve our giving the most.
Think of a co-worker, who is inviting the boss and his wife for a fancy dinner so the boss will “like” him and give him the promotion. That co-worker of yours is not giving from a position of strength. He is giving from a needy position and for selfish desires. And he is not giving to somebody who deserves it. He wants something in return from the boss. It shows that he has nothing better to offer. He cannot give the company his hard work, dedication, leadership, or other skills. He throws the boss $200 of food he doesn’t need or even really appreciates, hoping he will reciprocate with a promotion. The boss might happily take the food, but he will not give him the promotion if he is not right for the job and lacks valuable skill set for the job role. A promotion offered in exchange of $200 food is bound to be disastrous. Giving from the position of neediness and weakness always fails.
When we give from the position of strength our thoughts are clear, nobody can take advantage of us, and we give the right thing to the right people.
Our loved ones. Our family and friends don’t need $200 food to like us. They like us for our ability to bring a smile to their face, for being an emotional rock, for being a loving partner, for our well-meaning advice, for being a strong leader, and for bringing joy and happiness in their life.
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How do we know if we are giving the right way?
The answer is simple. You know you are doing it right when giving doesn’t feel like a burden.
Once there was a shepherd. A baby sheep was his favorite. He used to carry the baby sheep on his shoulders every morning to graze the green grass at the top of the hill. As time passed, the baby sheep turned into a full grown 110 lbs sheep. He still carried the sheep on his shoulders to the top of the hill. A curious villager asked him- Don’t you get tired of carrying the heavy sheep on your shoulders? The shepherd replied- No. Something that you love never feels like a burden.
How to Receive-
Receiving is far more complicated than giving. Receiving is also the first precondition of giving. To give, one must first “receive”. If you receive nothing, you cannot give anything. To be able to truly give, it is essential the giver must build a worthy life first. Advice given on self-control from a drug addict means nothing. A promise of $100 given by a homeless man means nothing. A threat of hand duel from a skinny man to a 300lbs wrestler means nothing. For giving genuinely and truly you should first have what you seek to give.
When we are focused on building a life and pursuing our mission, we receive valuable life experiences, financial rewards and emotional support from well-wishers. During the course of our journey, we also learn to be selfish and avoid the leeches and vampires that seek to drain our resources and are unworthy. We learn the hardest part of giving- Knowing what to give and who to give.
Psychologists have discovered that humans naturally tend to want to feel like the world is fair. When we do something good for others, we expect that the universe will return our good deeds to us in one form or other. It is the core reason why the giving feels so good. The more we give, the more we feel like we can expect in return.
Conversely, when we lie, steal or act on our selfish motive, we get the hunch that if the world is fair than the same thing will happen to us, someone someday will act in the same selfish manner towards us or lie and steal from us. This is also one of the reason people feel bad while receiving. They feel since they are receiving, though in a fair way, they might have to give it back or feel indebted.
When someone compliments us or when we receive a gift we may feel awkward on some level and think that we are selfish or undeserving. Your colleague compliments on your dress- Accept the compliment with a thank you. Your boss praises you for good work- Thank your boss and promise to keep the good work going. Your friend takes you out on dinner- Thank your friend and express your gratitude. Your sibling gives you a gift- Accept the gift and cherish the bond. The compliments you receive, the promotions you get, the emotional support you get, you deserve them all for being the hardworking and wonderful person you are. Don’t dismiss yourself or underestimate yourself. Receiving can feel as good as giving when mixed with sincere gratitude.
Hunaid Germanwala is a digital marketer and content creator at Health Products For You since 2014. He has an MS from Ulm University in Germany. His mind is always buzzing with creative ideas and is eager to explore new perspectives. His motto in life is “Better to Light the Candle than to Curse the Darkness.”