Narcissist or a person with Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) seems normal to the naked eye. However, these individuals carry some very dark secrets that they don’t want others to know. The lack of empathy shields them from feelings of guilt. They don’t see the world with the same colors as normal humans do. Being avid liars, the concepts of truth, honesty, and integrity eludes the narcissist.
Here are the 10 Secrets Narcissists Don’t Want You to Know
Narcissists Compartmentalize People
An oven is used for heating, a broomstick is used for dusting and a dildo or flashlight is used for sexual gratification. Humans compartmentalize the objects according to their specific functions to make their life easier. Narcissist, similarly compartmentalize people according to their usability in performing specific tasks. For example, people to hang out with, people to advance their carrier or make monetary gains, people to have sex with and people to use as emotional tampons.
Such compartmentalization helps narcissist to avoid cognitive dissonance. Narcissist values, emotions, and beliefs change according to the person they are with and benefit from. For example, narcissists will say that promiscuity and open relationships are good to someone with whom he/she is having a sexual relationship. On the other hand, while using someone as an emotional tampon, narcissists would abhor promiscuity and open relationships.
Narcissist gets very annoyed if people deviate from the assigned task. They would hate it if their sex toy suddenly starts a conversation about taking a trip together or make travel plans. The narcissist might also give a deer in headlights look. It’s like a normal person is asked to use an oven for dusting instead of a broomstick.
Narcissists Can Switch Personalities Really Quick
With compartmentalization comes the need of having a specific personality for each individual they associate with. Narcissists have a different personality at home when they are with their family. At the workplace, narcissist assumes a different personality and with friends, they are completely someone else. Not only their personalities change but also their dressing style and the way they talk change. Narcissist entire life revolves around getting attention and making the best use of the opportunity to exploit people for their personal benefit.
Each personality type they assume is targeted at achieving specific goals and personal benefits. A narcissist can be the epitome of masculinity with a very macho personality with his gym buddies in the morning and a very sissy and emasculated person in front of his gay boss in the afternoon, vying for the next promotion. The narcissist mask is very fluid and changes every time to suit their interest.
Narcissists Hold People Hostage
In the first few meetings, the narcissist tends to be very pleasing and easy going. They draw people in with their charm and fake personality. The friendly vibes make them trustworthy and the unsuspecting victim suddenly makes a mistake of revealing one of his/her secrets. At later date, when the victim is no longer useful to the narcissist, he/she is mercilessly discarded. After sucking off all the benefits, the narcissist holds the victim hostage by threatening to reveal their secret or a personal piece of information to the world in case the victim dares to fight back or try to unmask the narcissist. This is how a narcissist keeps their spouse, friends, or anyone who knows them on a tight leash.
It is not uncommon for the family, friends, or the ex of the narcissist to come in support of the victim after the narcissist abuse is over. They couldn’t tell the victim of the narcissist’s true nature at the beginning for the fear of backlash from the narcissist. Even if they did, the victims of narcissist seldom believe anyone and overlook the subtle signs given by people close to the narcissist. It is difficult to look past the narcissist charm and victims give them the benefit of doubt.
Narcissists Line-up Their Backup before Leaving
Be it relationship or job, narcissist tends not to leave until they have secured the backup. During the narcissist devaluation phase, they actively start lining up the backup for the eventual discard phase. Victims of narcissist abusive relationships often notice that a few months prior to their discard, the narcissist becomes cold, distant, and disappears for days without explanation. During this time the narcissist is searching for the replacement of the victim. Once the deal is sealed for a new relationship, the previous victim is quickly discarded or ghosted. Before leaving or ghosting, narcissists make sure to bait the victim into revealing some unpleasant secret or share a critical piece of information with them which narcissists use to their advantage later on.
The Narcissist’s Discard is Final
It is often falsely believed that narcissists return to their victims at later date. It is simply not true. Once discarded, narcissist never returns to the victim unless and until their life depends on it. Even if they do, they quickly leave again once they get whatever they wanted from the victim. It is especially true if the victim has revealed to the narcissist that they know who the narcissist is from within. The narcissist doesn’t return in this case, as they know very well that the victim is not naive and knows their true intention.
Once discarded the victim is nothing more than the dirt on the narcissist shoe, which he/she wants to quickly get rid of and never wants back. It is strongly recommended for victims to move on and never ever try to get the narcissist to return back. With time wounds heal and if the no contact rule is followed, the victims feel much better and even feel embarrassed of the fact that they were ever in a relationship with the narcissist.
Narcissists Bend and Distort Rules
The narcissist knows that they are exceptional. Someone beyond man-made rules and regulations. They are picture-perfect and require no changes. Narcissists hate their supervisors or bosses who try to make rules for them. They try their best to manipulate their supervisors to bend the rules for them. Playing a board game like chess can be a nightmare. They never stick to established rules. The true reason narcissists hate rules is because of the fact that they also hate responsibility and personal accountability. By changing and discarding the rules and regulations narcissists avoid any kind of accountability or harm caused by their damnable actions. Additionally, by being not under any rules, they get the benefits of plausible deniability and the benefit of doubt.
Narcissists Hate Intellectual Conversations
Narcissists don’t engage in intellectual conversations unless they are the center of it. Deep conversations about science or art take attention away from them. They also feel uncomfortable speaking about the subjects they don’t know for the fear of being proven wrong. Narcissists know from within that they can’t be wrong and they never apologize. For them, it is a much better option to not engage in any conversation in which they can’t win. If they are stuck in a conversation, they will either turn the topic to something else or try to one-up by adding a completely irrelevant or morally superior angle to the conversation.
Narcissists Befriend High Value and Attractive People
Narcissists are very choosy when it comes to making friends and having relationships. Whoever they befriend or engage with must benefit them. They pick a high value and attractive friends or partners to feel more superior and invincible. In order to garner narcissist supply, they will often name drop the high-value people they know. The narcissist believes that rubbing shoulders with highly desirable and powerful people will somehow transfer those traits and power to them. Narcissists hardly surround themselves with unfortunate or unattractive people. They don’t believe in charity if nobody is looking and there is no benefit for them in it. As a matter of fact, when they do engage with unfortunate people it is mostly virtue signaling to show their moral superiority.
Narcissists Don’t Want to Evolve
Though narcissists want to have money and fame, they never actually want to work hard for it. To progress it is crucial for an individual to do self-evaluation and know their weakness. The narcissist runs away from their weakness and hardly acknowledges the fact that they need to change. They would rather try and put others down to show themselves as superior. Instead of putting in hard work and growing themselves, they pray for the magic to happen. Narcissists can be easily duped by scams and ponzi schemes for the same reason.
Narcissists Don’t Like to Share
More than often narcissists tend to be highly materialistic. They wear or carry something very unusual to drive attention towards them. It can be a weird necklace, belt, or eye color lenses. Narcissists can be extremely possessive about their personal belongings. They hate it when someone touches or takes their stuff. Narcissists avoid sharing their things with others, they might do it just to appear nice to someone new, but quickly take it back.
Narcissists treat the person in a relationship like an object. They want the person to be at their service whenever they demand. This is why narcissists go into a rage if somebody leaves them first. They cannot handle rejection. When people complain that their ex narcissist harasses them, it is mostly the people who abandoned their narcissist first. It is not uncommon for narcissists to hold onto personal belongings of their exes like photos, gifts, birthday cards, clothes, etc. to feel the pleasure of having owned the person.
Read More- How to Identify a Narcissist Person (NPD)?
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Emily is an INFP who believes that people should always live their lives to the fullest everyday. She loves her dog JiJi. Emily has graduated from University of Michigan and is a passionate relationship blogger who is looking forward to her career as relationship and dating coach. She is an avid book reader with special liking for romance, horror and sci-fi genre. You can find her on Tumbler.